Wednesday, June 16, 2010

'Ard Boyz Semis Report, Part III

by SandWyrm

Ok, now it's time to cover my worst games.

So I ask myself, what's the best matchup I could possibly have? What army do I kill more reliably than Nids or Orks? What army have I almost never lost to, and what would be the easiest possible version of that army to fight?" What army could I really pound the hell out of and get at least one massacre for the day?

That's right, I give you:

Game 2: Foot Chaos

I'll dub my opponent Law-yore, since he was both a rules lawyer and as depressing as the donkey from Winnie the Pooh. He had the annoying habit of pointing out every little mistake or possible error I made and then telling me it was OK, because we weren't going to win the tourney anyway.

Such as:

Me: "My Chimera conversions have shorter back hatches than the standard ones. So I usually measure from the center of the commander's hatch on the turret for forward facing shots. Is that OK?"

Law-yore: "No, it's not OK. Because most people are going to say you shouldn't have F#$!ing chopped it off then."

Me: "So you have a problem with it? I could have said I'm using one of the front hatches."

Law-yore: "No, it's fine. I'm just saying that if you plan on attending competitive events, you should expect that. Because it's part of playing competitively. Most competitive players won't allow it."

Me: "So it's a problem?"

Law-yore: "No, it's fine. It's not like we're playing for first place anyway. It's just a friendly game."

I had to put up with this every single time I shot him, allocated wounds, claimed cover for armor facings obscured by infantry blocking more than 50% of it, etc. Some of his criticisms were correct, and some were dead wrong. But I got the lecture and the "It doesn't matter." every time.

And this is after he deliberately slow-deployed, moved models front to back, accepted cocked dice, and advanced his rear models further than the front ones. I pointed all of these out and he would start into his spiel about keeping things friendly, and that I had played cocked dice 2 turns ago (um, no I didn't) and how we weren't going to win anyhow... (sigh)

As for my conversions, he's the first person ever to criticize me for measuring from where the front of the hatch normally would be instead of where it is.

Law-yore's List
160    Chaos Sorcerer w/Melta Bombs, Mark of Slaanesh, Force Weapon, Lash, Warptime
160    Chaos Sorcerer w/Melta Bombs, Mark of Slaanesh, Force Weapon, Lash, Warptime
255    Chaos Space Marines (10) w/Icon of Khorne, Mark of Khorne, Melta, Lascannon, AsChamp (Power Fist, Melta Bombs, Mark of Khorne)
255    Chaos Space Marines (10) w/Icon of Khorne, Mark of Khorne, Melta, Lascannon, AsChamp (Power Fist, Melta Bombs, Mark of Khorne)
255    Chaos Space Marines (10) w/Icon of Khorne, Mark of Khorne, Melta, Lascannon, AsChamp (Power Fist, Melta Bombs, Mark of Khorne)
250    Chaos Space Marines (10) w/Icon of Khorne, Mark of Khorne, Melta, Lascannon, AsChamp (Power Fist, Mark of Khorne)
250    Chaos Space Marines (10) w/Icon of Khorne, Mark of Khorne, Melta, Lascannon, AsChamp (Power Fist, Mark of Khorne)
240    Chaos Space Marines (10) w/Icon of Khorne, Mark of Khorne, Melta, Lascannon, AsChamp (Power Weapon, Mark of Khorne)
     Heavy Support
225    3 Obliterators
225    3 Obliterators
225    3 Obliterators

The Game

I won first turn.

Lost at deployment.

Here I am on a mech-friendly table with zero cover in the middle and what do I do? I give him the 4-story building to bunker up in. I had a reason for doing this, but I can't for the life of me remember it. I put the Hellhound and 2 Chimeras in reserve. I also have no idea why, apart from excuses already mentioned. Had I given him the platform, only his Oblits would have had cover.

The game starts and we roll for the objectives on each of our first turns. One ends up in the doorway of the building in the far right of the picture above, next to my Vendetta. The other 3 scatter into a nice neat 4" x 4" x 4" equilateral triangle just in front of the 4 story bunker's front door. Great. I had sort of hoped he might have to run out into the open to claim objectives. Now he didn't have to.

Law-yore spaces his guys out and hugs cover like a pro. I only get one clean Demolisher shot at him; which scatters and only hits 3 guys. I pour fire into the Oblits with my Vendettas and into his Marines with everything else. I kill Marines, but he makes 2/3rds of all his cover saves. Which is at least balanced out by him consistently rolling ones to penetrate my Vehicles with his Lascannons, Meltas, and Oblits.

I manage to run one of his Sorcerers off the table, but the other lashes the guys I stupidly disembark and brings them forward to die in close combat. Afterwards he would consolidate back into cover.  Rinse, repeat.

It's not until turn 4 that I even start to realize I'm losing the game.

We don't make it to turn 6. The game ends on turn 5 with Law-yore's troops tentacled into the triangle with a Demolisher contesting one of the 3 center objectives. He holds the magic 2-pt objective plus one more and I hold the single objective on my right. Minor Victory for Law-yore.

Afterwards, he tells me that I'm a nice guy and he wouldn't mind playing me in a casual game again, but that 'Ard Boyz makes things too... (makes crazy hand motion). He then packs up his army and goes home.


Game 3: Foot Orks

My third game was versus Evil Ted from the South Store. He was running Ghaz, a big Mek with a KFF, 45 Lootas, and 6 Maxed-out Boyz mobs.

227 Models. 11 Kill Points. (sigh) I had 24 Kill Points.

My spot in the rankings was the same as at the beginning of round 2, so I had to stay at the same table. I asked the TO to move us, but evidently it would have upset the ranking gods or something to have us not play the game in table order. I wasn't the only player put out by that decision.

I won first turn and swapped table sides at least.

I didn't really care anymore, and neither did EvilTed. So we both set up with nothing in reserve. Both of us rolled everything on at the beginning of turn 2 and started busting each others balls as much as possible to get some fun out of it.

The table next to us was another Guard vs. Orks game. With the players set up on matching sides. They suggested that we play a team game and have some fun. I said yes, but EvilTed said no.

Now, given some thought on the matter, I could have outflanked EvilTed and probably run off his Lootas at least, making the game a lot more interesting. Possibly even won it with some thought. But like I said, I didn't really care at that point. So we played an uncomplicated game that I lost 17-2. EvilTed was happy to beat me. I was happy to have kept my objective safe.


Man, I haven't sucked this bad since last summer's South Store Tourney. It's embarrassing, even if I was both sick and sleep-deprived. In retrospect, I should have skipped the Semis, slept, and gone to the local tourney this weekend instead. Oh well...


  1. That sucks dude, better luck next time =/

  2. Oh I had luck in spades. But luck can't make up for lack of brains. :)

  3. I was listening to your opponent and almost hanged myself with his negative attitude. I was of course playing next to you in round 2. It was hillarious at first but you are correct, it sounded annoying as hell. Sorry you had to deal with that.

  4. Sounds a bit like my Ard boyz prelims. haha. Hopefully next time you'll have to take me down. well get some rest and dream of chimeras driving down paved roads.

  5. @Spaguatyrine

    Well, at least he wasn't yelling at me like your opponent was. We should have traded and let them play each other. :)

  6. Bad times. I've been to a few local tournies like that.... Though being a 'Ard Boyz at least you were prepared for the possibility of ass-hattery.

    I feel that it is worse when you go to a local, friendly, non-competitive tourney aimed at beginners to the tournament scene, only to have it crashed by a guy from the next town over that plays exclusively competitive tournaments. Of course he wrecks all the beginners that show up, and then complains about the lack of prize support before going back to his home town to find another victim.


    Sorry, didn't mean to jack the post with my rant...

  7. Now now Sandwyrm, you forgot to mention how absolutely rediculous my dice rolls were. Not that it mattered. I just hope you at least somewhat enjoyed out game.

  8. yeah. i played law-yore in my first game, and it was like playing against a wall of living molasses. from what other locals were saying about him, i got the feeling that these weren't atypical behaviors for him.

  9. I'd have told him to shut the hell up - if he's going to comment on my play/conversions etc from a rules standpoint, and then proceed to cheat, then he gets a big thumbs down from me.

  10. @Sandwyrm I am sorry you had to play Law-yore. I have not had the 'pleasure' of playing him, but just from being around him in 2 tourneys, I am pretty happy about that.

  11. Oh yeah, Evil(Archfiend)Ted rolled 3 shots per loota on all but one of his d3 rolls. But at least I got loads of cover from them. :)

    And yes, I did have fun. Mostly because we knew each other well enough that we could have fun with the insults. But it wasn't a very interesting game.

  12. @Steve

    During lunch, a local pointed Law-yore out as he crossed the street and said that Law-yore was a really nice guy but that he was irritating as hell because he calls people "Friend" during his games because he can't remember names.

    Which is funny because in our game he called me by my first name all the way through the game after hearing it just once. While he was annoying in other ways.

    Maybe being annoying is part of his strategy and he changes it up based on the opponent.

  13. @SandWyrm I am the one who told you about being called 'Friend'. I can't believe he did not do it to you. He did it every single round in Prelims.

  14. Sandwyrm, this was like a PTSD jolt or something... I have played Law-yore's evil twin Eeyo-yer and I feel your pain.

    What's strange is being on the opposite side of that, when some dude is convinced that _you're_ the rollover game he was supposed to win! I beat face against a Vulcan list with my Eldar a year back only to have this dude tell everyone within earshot that he can't see how he lost.

    I got 'lucky' so he tried to spend 5 minutes telling me about it.

    Still, he was a nice guy so I let him. Your dude would have frustrated the shit out of me. I hate people who tell me how to play with my toys...

    Better luck next time!


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