Saturday, January 28, 2012

Complaining is a sign of weakness!!!!????

By Spaguatyrine


Yes I said it!  Complaining is a weakness of the human species.  I am no expert but here are some quotes from a few experts.....

I write this article because of the seemingly unending amount of complaining that seems to be going on everywhere in 40K.  It is really annoying and gets old really fast.

Kind of like the 6th edition write up's from every blog out there.  The nerd rage can calm down a little please.  I know some people like to hear themselves talk or complain to calm their nerves but please already.  So without complaining.....get it! 

So this whole write up above is complaining.  I wrote it this way on purpose.  Here are what some experts say:

com·plain (km-pln)
intr.v. com·plained, com·plain·ing, com·plains
1. To express feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.
2. To make a formal accusation or bring a formal charge.



[Middle English compleinen, from Old French complaindre, complaign-, from Vulgar Latin *complangere : Latin com-, intensive pref.; see com- + Latin plangere, to lament; see plk-2 in Indo-European roots.]

So then complaining is feeling oriented? Hmm. 

WHY WE GRIPE SO MUCH

Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Louisville, observes that humans' taste for complaining probably evolved from our ancestors' way of crying out a warning when something threatened the tribe. "We mammals are a squealing species. We talk about things that bother us as a way of getting help or seeking a posse to mount a counterattack," says Cunningham. True, we no longer have to buddy up in the face of menacing saber-toothed tigers, but venting our everyday grievances to receptive listeners (a.k.a. expressive complaining) helps us feel validated and supported. Says my friend Tracy, mother of two daughters: "All the moms in our playgroup complain a lot. Venting helps us to feel less alone and less guilty about our frustrations as our kids go through the terrible twos."

So then complaining is because we need to feel validated and supported in our thoughts and feelings....

Expressive complaints have a different mission: to let the speaker get something off her chest. When you call a friend to wail that all three kids have strep at the same time, you're not looking for medical advice. It's acknowledgment and sympathy you're after. "Even complaining about the driver who cut you off can be healthy, provided you feel better once you get it out," says Kowalski. But here's the downside: Some people abuse expressive complaining, grumbling incessantly with no real interest in dialogue, problem solving, or human connection.

So complaining could be looking for sympathy which is understandable but ......"Some people abuse expressive complaining, grumbling incessantly with no real interest in dialogue, problem solving or human connection." 

People with healthy self-esteem are more likely than others to register instrumental complaints, according to Kowalski's research. This is probably because they are confident that their grievances are legitimate and they believe that kvetching could make a difference. For some people, speaking out against whatever bothers them is a way of asserting I matter!


We all matter.   Unfortunately sometimes it is hard to express it.


So this article really jumped out to me as a way to look at my own complaining issues in my life and share with others.  I am really not complaining about other's complaining, but if we can look in the mirror to make a change and be better 40k players, better people, why not share that with everyone. 

Why do you tend to complain?
After complaining or ranting does it make you feel better?
Do you think abusing 'expressive complaining' is annoying from others?

Man this kind of sounds like a school lesson. But hey...have a great day!! And I look forward to speaking with you soon.

If you want to link to the article here it is: Complaining article .

9 comments:

  1. I think Narcissism is often a better guess a la:
    http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/01/penelope_trunk_abuser.html
    etc.
    ??

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice Korona,

    When you start looking at root causes, self-absorption could be at the base. But I still believe people complain for more reasons than just being narcicistic.

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  3. Pfft!
    It's impossible to talk about 40k, or GW altogether, nowadays, WITHOUT complaining.

    All the 'hobby praise' nowadays goes to the other guys.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Spag, people in general do, absolutely. But the hysteria around these 6th ed .pdfs seems much more designed to provoke a response than to contribute anything meaningful to the discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lol. Self Absorption? UrbanDictionary.com...search Stelek

    ReplyDelete
  6. Something about the psychology of the internet also "seems" (no evidence here) to make people complain more, more loudly, and with more feeling. It probably has a lot to do with the anonymity or possibly they feel more free to seek recognition by being the loudest.

    I find that "nerd" culture is also just "complainy" in general. Take blogging for example. This is a free blog where people can come to kill some time reading or what have you. How many complaints do you receive about this free service that you offer as a hobby? I run a podcast. I get complaints, many some of the most pedantic you have ever seen, about a free service, many times with an attached expectation that somehow I should be obligated to cater to that complaining person.

    Many times, in "nerd" culture, people complain, even in circles. You guys are running the Indy Open here shortly, and the level of complaining you will receive from that is shocking. When we ran our GT back in November, I had people honestly complain about the choice of restaurant we chose as a place to meet on Friday Night!

    I think, at it's core, excessive complaining, like pointed, is probably very unhealthy both physically and on the psyche. It may just be venting at first or an attempt to seek recognition, but (again no evidence) it would seem to me that always looking for reasons to be unhappy will eventually lead someone to being unhappy.

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  7. Nice response Neil! Low self esteem does lead towards complaining where the ability to have more courage on the internet is plentiful.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mind you, a nick-name for wargamers has been "Grognard" after Napoleon's famously complaining elite troops.

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  9. I often complain to get things out of my system. I rarely feel an emotional attachment to the complaint once ejected.

    ReplyDelete

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