Thursday, July 21, 2011

Another Reader Email

by SandWyrm


"Matt" wrote in with an interesting proposition.

Dear SandWyrm,
I am Dr. Matt Ridley, Former Chairman of Northern Rock.

I have a confidential business Proposition for  you.

On June 6, 2003, Colin Morley, 52, a marketing consultant, made a (Fixed) Deposit, valued at US$ 4,000,000.00, (Four Million,US Dollars) in my  Bank.Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his employers, that Colin Morley died from the 7 July 2005 London bombings. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless.I therefore made further inquiries and discovered that Mr. Colin Morley did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$4,000,000.00 has carefully been moved out of my bank to a security company in Thailand for safekeeping.No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to British Law, at the expiration of (three) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the British Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you to stand in as the owner of the money. I have deposited the money in a security company in Thailand.I am writing you because I have a big problem with the Bank making me to resign from my appointment as Chairman the Bank, (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7052828.stm)  . I cannot operate a foreign account or have an account that is more than one hundred thousand dollars. Because of the problem and I am still under investigation.

I want to present you as the owner of the money in the security company so you can be able to claim it with the help of my attorney. This is simple. I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents which will put you in place as the as the owner of the money.The money will be moved out for us to share in the ratio of 70% for me and 30% for you .This condition is negotiable. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the Attorney and this will guarantee the successful execution of this deal.

If you are interested, please reply immediately via my email address. Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country (Buying of properties like houses, hotels and doing charity works etc).
Please do send me your  name and address, your private/mobile telephone or fax number so that we can have a smooth communication.
Awaiting your urgent reply  via my email (matt_ridley@inbox.com ), (mattridley@hushmail.com)

Thanks and regards.

Dr. Matt Ridley.

SandWyrm's Reply:

Yes, that's a very serious problem you have there. However, not being a blithering idiot, I don't think that I can help you out directly. However may I suggest that you contact someone else? I believe that Tom Kirby may have the combination of inflated income, insatiable greed, and intellectual incompetence that would be ideal for your particular needs.

You'll need to send him an actual letter though, as he still hasn't figured out this whole internet thing. On the other hand, he's probably never heard of your particular type of scam either. Since he has underlings to shield him from such newfangled ideas.

So I suggest typing up your letter on nice stationary, inserting it into a (non-Nigerian) girlie mag with a plain brown wrapper, and sending it to the following address for his consideration:
Tom Kirby, Chairman
Games Workshop Group PLC
Willow Road, Lenton, Nottingham, NG7 2WS
Great Britian
Just make sure to tell him (after you get his bank information) that Finecast says thank you. He'll know what it means. ;)

14 comments:

  1. If I were into dudes, I'd have sex with you SandWyrm.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think Lantz's comment might be my favorite left on the site.... evar.

    we get scam e-mails to the site from time to time. It makes me laugh.

    'Dear Mr. Theback40K, I have a great offer for you...'

    ReplyDelete
  3. What if I'm actually a young beautiful female lifeguard who's only pretending to be an old, fat, tabletop gamer?

    ReplyDelete
  4. whatever you need to tell yourself so you can sleep at night dude.

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  5. no your the old tabletop gamer with myopia and a love of blogging. if you were the hot female lifeguard we would have had sex with you by now and given up on the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Who says that I'd have sex with any of you? Lifeguards get their pick you know. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. You would think someone with 'Dr.' in their name would be a little more articulate with their writing... man you're gonna be pissed when Tom Kirby buys a new yacht with his share of this dead guy cash!

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  8. I love that he's using a letter that's three years out of date.

    He says in it that because of some blabla British law that the money reverts after three years, the guy died in July '05 so the three years were up in '08. What a doofus.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The wonders of scams. If your going to try to get peoples money at least be inventive about how you do it!

    Nice reply too by the way.

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  10. a few years ago one of my friends who is a girl. (gasp i know uber knows girls. ) ended up meeting a guy on match.com. he was nice articulate and had a kid who was a teenager and they lived in chicago. they couldnt get together right away because he was going on a business trip to Egypt. they had been talking on the phone for a month, but his business dealings always had him out of the country. she had even talked to his "daughter" on the phone as well. so a week into his trip to egypt she gets an email stating "omg, my daughter was caught in a fire in the hotel they were staying at." he cant access his bank account, could she wire them $5k to help them because for some reason the hospital wont help her. so my friend being a recently divorced principal at a school and full of hope and love sent $5k then another $5k after he called her. never heard from him again. sad really. if she just would have used the interwebs to look up and see if the ramada inn in cairo burned down she might have known the truth. there were no reports and she was left broken hearted. its scum like this that needs to be taken to a nice greased up pointy pole and left to "slide" down the middle.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I knew a college teacher in Louisville who was sending $1200 a month to some Guatemalan slut in Canada who was "going to marry him someday" (for like, 6 years by that time). But she couldn't come to the states yet due to unnamed immigration issues (hence Canada), and oh, by the way, she needed another $1800 this month so that she could buy a hot tub for the house she was living in. To, you know, help her bad back.

    All for a girl that he *maybe* saw twice a year. I didn't have the heart to tell him (because he was already in tears about her) that it would be cheaper to fly out to Nevada twice a month and have an honest relationship with a prostitute.

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  12. People say it all of the time...perhaps too much, but there is nothing wrong with saying it when the situation warrants it. Sandwyrm, YOU DA MAN!

    ReplyDelete
  13. So where did we land on the whole if you're a girl or not, thing? I've got my swimming goggles just in case.

    ReplyDelete

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